My Musings on Dating

I have about three months before I turn 27 and I have some things to say about dating:

Dating is hard.

Maybe it’s because my free time is limited or because I moved to a new place and I don’t have an ongoing social scene. Heck, maybe it’s my more introverted “too many new people makes me a bit crazy” personality but no matter the reason, I come up with the same conclusion: Dating is HARD.

Not every woman or man at this age is looking to play around or date ever so casually. Not all of us can simply “not think about it too much” or “not feel anything”.  Some of us are really wanting a genuine connection with someone special and for some of us that never actually seems to happen.

Some of us are always having to deal with the question “So why don’t you have a boyfriend/girlfriend” and/or “Are you ever going to get married?” like men/women magically fall from the sky and are perfect for us. ( Newsflash to the people who ask these questions: STOP. STOP making single people explain themselves to you. THEY owe YOU not a single explanation for their lives.) 

What really makes dating difficult is that little part of your brain that keeps the compatibility scorecard. I honestly think everyone has this part in their brains, but some of us think of it way more often.  This is the part of your brain that will ask ” but what do we really have in common and is that enough to sustain ANY sort of relationship?” Your scorecard has to be realistic but not to the point of where you’re bored in your relationship. This scorecard contains all your “deal-breakers” and the things you can negotiate and compromise on.

And you know what?

Your scorecard can and often will change with time and experience. So what you tolerated in your college relationship at 20, might not be something you are willing to deal with at 25.

Right now, at 26, I’m watching  many of my friends re-negotiate their scorecards and other who have found the balance they’re looking for and settled into great relationships.

While I wish I could say I have all this figured out, I don’t. I’m not sure when I might have it figured out. I try not to put a deadline on my personal development but it’s hard when you’re watching people fall in love and build lives together (thanks social media).

So again I say : Dating is hard and I don’t know if it ever gets easy.

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Update: Almost one year back from Korea. What am I doing now?

It’s December 25, 2016 and this is my FIRST Christmas back in America since 2014! When you’re abroad, you tend to romanticize the holidays, so it was great to actually live through the Thanksgiving and Christmas period in real time!

Now this also means that I’ve almost been back in the states for an entire year! Instead of talking about Korea, I’ll have more references for my young adult life in America!

So what exactly does a young adult do after returning from working abroad? Well, for me and several of my friends (who also taught in Korea), the next step was teaching here in America.

I am now a 6th grade social studies teacher at a local charter school in Louisiana. I have to say that if someone had told me I’d be here doing this in say 2012 (the year I graduated from college), I’d have laughed at them. Teaching in America was not a part of my plan when I was 22 or even at 24, when I left to teach in Korea, but here I am! I just finished my first semester of teaching.

So, you might wonder: If this wasn’t a part of my plan, why am I doing it?

I have so many answers to this question, but one always stands out. I chose to come and teach (even if I had many other choices) because I really do enjoy the learning and growing process that happens in the classroom. I enjoyed it in Korea and I still enjoy it right here in Louisiana!

Now of course I’ve had MANY surprises this first semester of teaching and I really hope to share many of them here, so stay tuned and of course: Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays.

 

Can we talk about being a young adult?

No really. Can we talk about being a 20 -something year old person outside of careers and dating/marriage/kids? As a 25 year old woman, I sometimes wonder why I hear so little discussion about the other things that affect my life.  I hear so much about kids and marriage (or at least dating and heading towards serious relationships) but what about those other pieces in our lives? What about spirituality, learning more about ourselves, defining what success means for us, learning what makes us feel vulnerable and what simply makes us happy? Heck, what about discussing how to take the time to develop as a person?

I tell my mom pretty often that I feel short changed. Why? Because as we grew up, adults would talk about relationships (mainly about sex) but very, very. very little about other things that encompass an adult life. While there are some things we simply learn by doing, it would be nice to discuss some of the big things we might experience during our young adult years. It would be nice to know that some of the uncertainty we may feel is normal and learn ways to cope and work through it . Our parents (and other adults) can’t tell us everything that we may face, just having something to go on, just some discussion, about the experiences of the adult life would be great.